1 year, PCOS, and Puppies

I decided it was time to share my story, and I how my husband and I our coping with infertility. My husband I were married on August 30th, 2008. We began trying to get pregnant a month prior to that. We took a break in September, and then became serious about it in October. I have a lot of people ask "Why so early? You are both so young." (We are both 21 as of right now. I will be 22 in a month and a half.) Well, I have had a gut feeling for a long time telling me, this might take a while. It's been almost a year now. I didn't really think it would take this long, and it only seems like it might take longer. I can't begin to describe to you how it feels to want something so bad, and know you may never have it. It hurts, almost everyday. And its confusing. Its like a pull and tug of emotions. I have friends and family all around me with babies, or that are pregnant. A year later it only gotten more difficult to smile at them. Its like you want to be happy for them. They tell you the infamous words "I'm pregnant" and you just sort of follow that up with a fake smile and a soft creaky "That's great." Then you run off to the bathroom to try and fight the tears back long enough to show your support. And you know the second you leave it will just be the ever so familiar "windows rolled down, radio up, cryfest" you are just far to accustomed to. And I'm not saying I am not happy for my friends and family. I love my niece and nephew so much, and I love how happy they make their mommies. That is what hurts so much. The guilt. You feel bad for being jealous.

Now, whats causing all the problems you ask? A funny little things called PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome. I don't want to drag this out with lots of little medical details. I will just say that it has made my ovaries hard, and hormones a mess, and my body 60lbs more than it used to be. I have been known to go and entire year without a period. I know, it sounds great. Really though, it just makes you feel terrible. If you want to know more about it go to Soul Cysters.

Now, onto the beautiful little creatures that sort of curb my desire for a baby. My husband and I have the most beautful dogs. I know all you mommies wonder how could a dog replace a child. I love my dogs more than anything, and just looking at them warms my heart. I have 3 of them. Aeris, she is a rottwieler boxer mix. She is huge and such a baby. And then we have 2 yorkies, Gaby and TJ. In April they had their first litter of puppies. It was one of the most rewarding night of my life to help birth those puppies. To help bring them into the world was truely amazing.

I hope you can all follow me and my husband on this journey. I want to share what we go though in our second year of trying to concieve. I have an appt with a new OBGYN on July 6th. I will keep this blog as updated as possible. :)

Until next time,
Emmi