Lets play catch up.

As I am sitting here writing this, my first thought is "My mother-in-law is going to read this, isn't she?" Lol. Well, here is a shout out to you Tiana, I love you very much. I am so blessed to have you as a mother-in-law, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Now that thats been said, let me fill everyone in on the last 12 months. After my dear husband abruptly calling off our July 12th wedding on June 6th, I was pretty sure I was going to die. Thank god that didn't take long. By then end of June we were well on our way to being back together, and by the middle of July had decided to get married on August 30th. And stopped "preventing" by then end of July. Then 10days after our "thrown-together-best-night-of-my-life-backyard wedding I got what looked like a very faint positive. I showed it to my sister in law, and she litterally jumped for joy. I tried so hard to not get caught up in it, because I knew that for a solid 9 or 10 months in 2007 we weren't "preventing" anything, nor did we prevent anything for the first 6 months of our relationship. Lol. So I just decided to let her get happy, and I would sort of just try and be hopeful. Her and I talked about it, and decided to show my older sister-in-law, and she was equally excited. We compared it to her old test, and decided it might actually be positive. The after all that excitement was over we ran over to Tiana's. Let me just get this out as it may be important in other posts. I love that woman to death, but she scares the hell out of me. Brittney thought it would be fun to just show her the test, and not tell her it was mine. After her reaction I thought she might have a heart attack. Brittney was then like "Don't worry, its not mine. It's Emmi's" Alright, I will admit she looked just as shocked, and I thought I might die on the spot. I told her I wasn't really sure, and to not jump to conclusions. Everyone said wait a week and test again. Agreed. Well, 7 days later I got a negative. My heart was broken and I was so let down. I said "NO MORE! I AM DONE!!!" Well, if you know me then you know I am never done.

September 30th: let the temperature taking begin.
Let me just tell you, if that damn basal thermometer was alive I might kill it as if it were a deadly spider. After 2.5 months of taking my temp and it showing nothing Jonathan and I decided to call in the reinforcements. Hellllooooooooooooooooooo doctor, and this is where it gets serious. Jonathan had to get a semen analysis done before my doctor would let me take Clomid. OMG. I was mortified. How in the world would I tell him? How would he react? What if he just says no? I sat in my living room with my 2 best friends and Jonathan's cousin Chris (I'm sure he will come up more) trying to come up with the best way to break the news to him. I decided to just hand him the paper with the order written on it. So finally he gets home from work. He asks what the doctor said and I said I need to talk to you. I handed him the paper scared to death. He read it for a minute and said "Okay, so I have to go get tested. That's fine. When is the appt?" Really? Wow, I have a fantastic husband.

Alright, fast forward to January. I am starting my very first round of fertility drugs. And I am given a very long list of orders. Take these pills day blah blah blah. Call and schedule an ultrasound and bloodwork for this day, and we will call you at the end of the day to tell you what to do next. Let's cut this short. I took the pills, and about killed my husband the day of his birthday party. I didn't handle the horomones gracefully, to say the least. I do my ultrasound and bloodwork. Then I get that call. Oh my god that call. It didn't work. That's it? Really? I cried. I cried for what felt like forever. Then I decided, I just cannot do this. Simply put, I can't. I'm not strong enough. It hurts too much. I just can't. Well, I promptly went back to the Dr. and said put me on birth control. I'm done! I just want to have periods, I just want to feel normal. I'll just tell myself I am on the birth control because we don't want a baby anymore.

LOL. 2 months later. It is now May, and we have talked and decided we are ready yet again. Let's be real here. The entire 2 months I was on birth control I looked at Babies R' Us. I walked through the baby portion of every store. I browsed online for bedding. I am never going to give up on this. I want it too much. And I might get discouraged, and get knocked down. But I always always get back up. I really have an obsession with this. It probably isn't healthy, and I didn't realize how much I talk about it until Chris (see there he is again) asked me one day when I was going back on Clomid. This kid is 16! I bet he could tell you everything about what I am going though. It's nuts. Anyways, I spent the better part of May looking for a new doctor.


I made an appointment with Dr. Katherine Linn for July 6th. I have no idea what is in store for me and my husband. But we are walking in with an open mind, and hopeful thoughts.